Yoga Weather

October 1st, 2009

I know yoga is supposed to help me achieve balance and equilibrium, but there are so many times when I just fall apart in class, when my emotional Doppler radar is just dopey. I can’t keep up with the pace. I flounder like a manatee on dry land. Balance? I teeter and totter and take a tumble–or two or three. Yoga is not about ego, but I constantly sneak looks at the people next me, jealously noting their ability to balance on one leg or to jump from the back of the mat to the front while I take baby steps forward. The only thing I didn’t do today was fart in child’s pose, for which I am so very grateful. I started to cry at one point because I felt like the “worst” student in class, but I know that fear holds me back, not frailty. Fear of falling, fear of failing, fear of making a fool out of myself. All of which plague me in too many other areas of my life. So I’ll continue the battle with myself in yoga and hope that what I learn by showing up will eventually show me a different way to be in the world.

5 Responses to “Yoga Weather”

  1. dragonflyreflections says:

    I sort of felt like this tonight too. Not in yoga class, but in my "Adulthood and Aging" class. Certain of my classmates are outgoing and funny and the teacher always seems to gravitate to that end of the room, listening intently to every word these golden ones utter, while I sit quietly and feel older and dumber by the minute. Your words remind that I need to just keep showing up for all of the tough stuff in my life, keep trying to make myself heard and known, and maybe, like you, I'll eventually find a different way to be in the world.

    Thanks as always for sharing,

  2. angie says:

    You have just described what I find so amazing about yoga. It's humbling, but necessary, what it teaches me when I show up.

  3. Allegra Smith says:

    "If your practice is good, you may become proud of it. What you do is good, but something more is added to it. Pride is extra. Right effort is to get rid of something extra."

    Shunryu Suzuki-roshi

    I try to remember this when I am falling on my butt, and not because I am doing yoga either.

  4. I don't like yoga classes. I find the presence of other people to be distracting on a lot of levels. I think it inhibits my practice and represses me emotionally. When I practice, I practice at home, and my best is more than good enough.

  5. Nikki Hardin says:

    I wish I had the discipline to practice at home, but I will lie on the couch and read instead!