Wide Awake

July 8th, 2010

Today, I had to get the oil changed in my car. It was 95 degrees and I’m sure even hotter down in that oil-change pit. As I was talking with one of the guys who works there, I realized all over again how undeservedly lucky I am. My big preoccupation today was my continuing battle with insomnia, not a minimum-wage job in a sweaty shop. Not oil ground into my skin so deeply that I can never completely scrub it away. Not customers who expect me to screw them over or avoid looking directly in my eyes–just get my car finished so I can get on with my important life. I thought about it all day. So what if I can’t sleep — it might be unhealthy but it gives me more time to be aware of being alive, to be thankful for the Tempurpedic mattress I was able to afford, to be cozy and content with a book in bed. And even though I might get The Dreads in the middle of the night, I’m learning how to breathe through them and know that in the morning I’ll have a job to get up for and work I love when I get there. Some of my family are struggling in this recession, not only to make a living but also to find that trail of breadcrumbs that will bring them safely home. I saw that lostness in other faces today and vowed to value what I often take for granted. And to scatter more breadcrumbs.

4 Responses to “Wide Awake”

  1. Jen Rognerud says:

    If it makes you feel any better…I’m up tonight at a client’s house feeding, burping, and cuddling little twins so the mom can get a night’s sleep…as you know, it’s my day job…sometimes an overnight job that leaves me worried if I am messing my whole clock up…I get what I call the “sleep bugaboos.” I don’t sleep because I’m worrying about what will happen if I don’t sleep. 🙂

  2. It’s a small thing and a big thing to recognize other people’s humanity, to fight to be AWAKE and keeping things in perspective.

  3. In the Woman’s World June 7, 2010, my mom gave me it says to beat insomnia sleep better with this bedtime snack, a Peanut Butter and Banana Sandwich!
    1 slice oat bread
    2Tbs. peanut butter, crunchy or creamy
    1/2 small banana thinly sliced
    Honey to taste! It goes on to say the peanuts and banana contain tryptophan(like turkey)I might try this myself although I only got insomnia the second day after chemo which I don’t have to get now! (phew)

  4. nikki says:

    Thanks–I love bananas and peanut butter (with mayonnaisse) so I’ll try it.

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