Which Side Is Up?

January 9th, 2015

Key West Reflection web

When I was first divorced, two new friends invited me to dinner and played Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” for me. I was taking the first tentative steps into the world alone, and I’ll never forget the moment of illumination and clarity it precipitated. Suddenly I could see that the demolition of my marriage was also a chance to build a life that felt like home. Usually, I’m only able to recognize in hindsight crucial turning points in my life, those moments when I simultaneously mourn an ending and step toward a beginning.  The ones that resemble epiphanies are rare for me, but I’m beginning to realize that I can take most any story I’ve created around my failures, losses or shortcomings and practice flipping it. Was that lover I parted ways with so tragically really the Fake Soul Mate Who Scarred Me For Life? Was it only a time of embarrassing foolishness, unanswered questions and lingering regret, or can I flip it and see the things I learned, mourn the powerful hurts we inflicted and be grateful for the moments of intense joy we shared in spite of the inevitable and damaging ending? It helps me to see that the stories I’ve created about my life and the people in it aren’t very accurate or useful. Any time I’m able to stop viewing my life through a narrow tunnel vision, it opens up a world of possibility I never imagined, like re-reading a book and suddenly discovering layers of meaning and multiple side plots. I guess we’re all unreliable narrators when it comes to our the tales we tell ourselves, and flipping the picture won’t necessarily reveal the “real” truth. But it can make our stories so much richer because everything that happens to us comes with a multitude of lessons and truths. In the process, we can meet ourselves anew, the strangers who have been walking side by side with us all this time just waiting for us to turn and embrace them.



2 Responses to “Which Side Is Up?”

  1. kathy says:

    Wow, I just stumbled onto your website when I googled how to get back in my zen zone on a whim (my students have recently knocked me off mine ;0 )
    It took me to your July 2008 entry. I rarely make comments on websites but I feel compelled to write and show my appreciation for your beautiful writing. So much in what you say!!!! Thank you!

  2. Veronica says:

    The narratives we create are powerful. It’s good to write new endings, new beginnings.

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