Where is Your Green Light?

December 15th, 2008

Gatsby’s green light at the end of the dock conjures up a longing for what was lost, what can never be,  fulfillment that is always just out of reach, a longing that doesn’t even have a name. When I was taking an after-work walk in the dark recently, I saw this light at the end of a dock on the creek near my house, and I was unexpectedly suffused with nostalgia for dreams I can’t even remember, with sadness for people who have disappeared from my life, with a yearning for transcendence that is a constant rumbling hunger.  I imagine everyone I know is overcome by this now and then, but we never really talk about it to each other. Maybe we allude to it, come at it sideways, but mostly it’s the dailiness of our lives that makes up our conversations. And time passes and we never get around to baring the lonely thoughts that visit in the middle of the night, or the rare, blinding flashes of awareness when we sense in an instant the oneness with everything that lives, or the sensation that ghosts of our past selves live on in places we’ve left behind. I suppose that’s why we’re always searching for a soul mate, our lost half, the one who won’t laugh, but will listen and say, “I know exactly what you mean.” 

2 Responses to “Where is Your Green Light?”

  1. V-Grrrl says:

    This is the theme that recurs again and again in my writing: longing. For meaning, for love, for peace, for success, for laughter, for company on the journey.

    Sometimes I think the depth of my longing makes my blog depressing, but it is a place for likeminded souls to come and be connected.

    This month my spirit burrowed into the dark and light of the season and found a place to rest. I’ve been grateful and content to occupy a good place more than a year of turmoil.

  2. frida says:

    your blog is not the least bit depressing…I indeed felt you were a kindred soul from the first read!