When You Wish to be a Star

December 6th, 2009

I went to a party last night and told several people that I was seeing Precious today. All agreed that it was amazing, but warned me not to expect a happy ending. But, oh my god, there was the kind of happy ending that is always happening in our lives if we can just see it. The friend I saw it with said it was the growth of a soul — and that’s huge, momentous, earth shaking. But we are so used to Hollywood happy endings–the pot of gold, the glass slipper, the inheritance, the bad guys locked up — that it’s sometimes impossible to recognize the little happy endings and beginnings that are occurring all around and inside of us. I’m guilty of it myself. I want a shooting star to be a sign that I’m on the right track. I want a full-on spotlight on myself and my achievements and when that doesn’t happen, I’m dissatisfied and angry with who I am. I want to be what I’m not, which I always assume is better than what I am. Why can’t I do more, be more, make more? If only I’d had a better education, loving parents, constant encouragement — I’d be famous by now, wouldn’t I? I want to love what I do instead of doing things in order to be loved. My ego needs to feed on a spotlight, but I think my soul needs anonymity in order to grow.

4 Responses to “When You Wish to be a Star”

  1. dragonflyreflections says:

    Sometimes your life is like a road map for me… "my ego needs to feed on the spotlight, but I think my soul needs anonymity…" I think my tendency is to hide in that anonymity, but it's in the reaching – the stretching – that my soul truly grows.

    thank you Nikkie,

  2. Stacey says:

    i love this post, thank you! i love how you took that message from the film…sometimes we think we are the only ones that run this "i am not enough…."

  3. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios says:

    I want to love what I do rather than doing things in order to be loved.

    That, Nikki, shows how much hard-earned wisdom you've earned and collected.

    THAT is a quote to live by.

  4. Nikki Hardin says:

    If only I could maintain that for longer than a day!

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