What’s My Line?

May 4th, 2010

Sometimes I find myself trying to guess my identity in the way the panel did on the old TV show “What’s My Line?”. I’m often the mystery guest in my own life. Here are some contradictions that have popped up lately:

* I’m a feminist, but I wish I had the plump lips nature didn’t give me. Periodically, I’m tempted to get my upper lip injected with whatever will give me the bee-stung look. I’m not stopped by philosophical misgivings but only by the fear that I would end up with the duck-bill look.

* Part of me wants to go on a spiritual journey, while another part of me just wants more shoes.

* I’m resilient but not at all brave.

* I want lots of traffic on my blog, but at the same time, I think it’s self-indulgent narcissism.

* I despise snobbery but fear I’m elitist.

* I believe we’re all here for a purpose, but I don’t believe in God. And yet I think I might go to hell for writing that.

* I long for roots, but I hate being tied down.

* I know beauty is only skin deep, but I envy gorgeous women because being pretty opens doors I’ll never be able to walk through.

* I was brought up to be nice no matter what, and yet one of my most vivid memories is of stabbing a pencil into the scalp of a playmate who was a lot like Nellie Oleson on Little House on the Prairie. It was only skin-deep but extremely satisfying. And it might have been the last time I reacted so viscerally. I don’t advocate that as a career strategy, but I would like to develop the civilized equivalent of pencil stabbing at work instead of feeling like I have to funnel all my reactions through Nice Nikki, who just doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

* Wearing fur is awful, but it feels so good.

5 Responses to “What’s My Line?”

  1. I love your sketch. : )

    Contradictions make people interesting.

  2. dittoooooooooooooo

    I’ve got a lunch meeting with my boss today….I liked that pencil thing….hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  3. I love your honesty. Please don’t ever feel like a narcissist for this blog. Your reflections are down-to-earth, comforting, and inspiring at the same time:) Keep sharing!

  4. nikki says:

    Thanks, Corinne!

  5. Jacquie says:

    In agreement with Corinne…

    Your blog is much needed & loved breathe of fresh air…


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