Waking up is hard to do.

March 11th, 2010

Driving to spinning class this morning, I thought about how my life is a constant battle against falling asleep. Not in the bedtime sense, but in the one-life-to-live sense. It’s so much easier not to exercise, not to practice drawing, not to read a difficult book, not to think about my own mortality, not to start a scary project, not to take my camera out on a photo safari, not to meet new people. The soul wants to be awake, but it’s an ongoing struggle not to drink the waters of Lethe and indulge in a gentle forgetfulness, a spiritual indolence. After all, that other stuff is hard work and I always want to start it manana. I’d like to think my sluggishness is due to a thyroid problem (everyone I know is taking Armour Thyroid supplements) or to a lack of Adderall (although I wouldn’t turn it down), but in my case, it’s just that it’s so much easier not to do. Easier to think about writing a book than to sit down and type a first sentence that might be “As a child, I learned in school that our state was known as the Dark and Bloody Land in the struggle between Indians and settlers, conquered and conqueror, and that’s how I thought of our family battleground from that time on.” ¬†Easier to chatter over drinks about how I want to do a self-portrait out of newspaper and acrylics and found objects than go home and start it. ¬†Easier to pull the covers over my head than to face what’s lurking in my own Shadow.

5 Responses to “Waking up is hard to do.”

  1. Di says:

    Love the photograph, and the words as always. Thought I would give you this link to a blog just found … I’m toying with whether 37 days might be helpful to me. http://www.37days.typepad.com/

  2. nikki says:

    Skirt! (my day job) published Patti Digh’s book based on 37 Days and it’s great!

  3. But damn Nikki, that bed sure looks inviting.

    I’m not reading hard books. I just keep reading the same ones over and over again. Sheesh, guess I’m in a rut, huh?

    Don’t spin either. I know, my bad.

    Hmmmmm, maybe you’ve got a good point there. I’ll think about it and get back to you. Maybe we can talk about it over drinks.

  4. Jen says:

    I keep thinking you must just be speaking for ‘every-woman’ because each post feels like my brain in it’s current state.

    The 37 days blog and book both look amazing!

  5. Me too. Trying to make small changes, one at a time.

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