Turn It Around

October 18th, 2013

webundoI was listening to an interview with Paul McCartney recently in which he talked about how his insecurity makes him fear that other musicians are constantly outdoing him. His candor about his self-doubt was illuminating, and it made me admit how often I do the same thing — convince myself that other people are more creative, more productive, more innovative than I am. Obsess about how my work never measures up. Convince myself I’m too old to compete. Pick apart everything I do. Hoard my generosity. I hate how that dries up the well we all draw from. So I decided that every now and then, instead of being jealous and jaded, I’ll make a list of people whose work I admire so much that it makes me green with envy and send out hopes for success for them. I don’t have to like them, but I do have to admit that I appreciate their talent. In the meditation I’ve been doing recently, the guide says that my personal practice not only benefits me, but also the people around me who will enjoy any change of mind, heart, or spirit that I experience. When I’m bitter, it rubs off on my friends and my family and my co-workers, and from a purely self-interested standpoint, ┬áit shuts off the universal faucet from which all ideas flow. Turn on the tap!


6 Responses to “Turn It Around”

  1. It sometimes feels like there couldn’t possibly be enough to go around. It feels like this weird impossible trusting… to open up, be generous, to remember there is room for all of us, not just to exist, but to grow. But also, I try to trust my instincts, and when I get a good vibe from someone I move my energy and generosity in that direction, towards those people. It really does help me to surround myself with people who truly inspire me. If they trigger me, I try to step back and figure out what’s going on. If I realize it’s my own insecurity, I push through it and open up. Sorry this comment was longer than I expected… this is a topic a couple of my creative/writer friends have been discussing recently.

  2. Ellen Shoener says:

    Nikki, That was so neat; it’s true about the bitter effect on others, and true about the ripple effect of goodness in thought and speech. We love your contributions. Ellen Shoener

  3. Ellen Shoener says:

    Unsure if my comment was sent; it disappeared. Ellen

  4. nikki says:

    Yes, it came through!

  5. nikki says:

    I know, Angie, and so much of the time it’s my own insecurity at work. In the end, that only hurts me, not the person I envy.

  6. Thanks for confirming that I am not alone. I second guess, ponder, feel green, worry, obsess…I could go on. I look out and think, “If they are doing _____ then I should do ____ too!” And then I start chasing my own dang tail. It is good to know that Paul McCartney of all people feels like me.

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