Thinking About…

October 2nd, 2008

* how I sometimes long for a partner to lean my back against like a big tree when I need a rest — then I feel completely irritated with myself for being so needy when so many people are in need! Like complaining about broccoli when children are starving in China. 
* how I love the festive feeling of Fridays (Frida’s Day?) even when I don’t have anything to do but read People Magazine and drink wine
* how acutely I miss my old friends far away
* how long my frequent flyer miles will be valid–won’t they be the next thing the airlines take away from us?
* how much I’m looking forward to Cincinnati chili and intense winter sunsets…they almost make the cold weather endurable.
* how I wish I were the type of good-hearted person who saves feral cats but there’s no use kidding myself–I’m just not. 
* how my abalone shell reminds me of watching the sun go down from a bar overlooking the Pacific near Mendocino–it’s an instant calming reminder of how the ocean turned pearlescent and shimmery in the twilight, with dozens of shades of color shivering and coalescing across the surface of the water.
* how the birds outside the open windows were singing their hearts out during Shavasana in yesterday’s yoga class.
* how stupid I was for skipping yoga today because I was so stressed out over work I was afraid I’d cry–I missed a chance to let those birds teach me a new song.

4 Responses to “Thinking About…”

  1. Pat says:

    Just read your last three posts. Like you…I am concerned about life in general these days and sometimes feel guilty when I worry about myself.
    What’s a person to do? Well, friend, I think the only thing we can do is try to make a good day out of a bad one, treat people as we would like to be treated, laugh at ourselves whenever possible, in this season…vote, and in general give out lots of hugs… has to come back to us somehow…even though on some days we can’t see it. You hang in there…I will too. And, thanks! Pat

  2. V-Grrrl says:

    I have someone to lean on and yet often feel so alone. Sometimes I feel more lonely in the presence of others than I ever do by myself. I think the work of middle age for me is to quit fighting that lonely feeling and accept it.

    I ache for friends faraway too–those separated by distance, years, and just busy-ness.

    Have those tears just behind my eyes today.

    And the novel Jim the Boy? One of my all time favorites, an exquisite piece of writing, a perfect coming of age story. Southern in the best sense. I don’t read much fiction, I’ve off- loaded a lot of my books during my recent moves, but Jim the Boy will ALWAYS be on my shelf.

  3. Jane says:

    I don’t subscribe to Ayn Rand’s worldview, but she wrote what I thought was the best line ever in an early draft of The Fountainhead. A woman walks into Roark’s office late at night and finds him working in silence. She asks him if he ever feels lonely. He says, “No, never when I’m by myself”.

    I love that line and find it carries a lot of truth for me, but there’s a difference, I think, between being lonely and simply wanting the feel-touch-love-caring of another human being. You can be content to be alone, but still want that, and I think most of us do.

    It just feels good to lean against another person and find warmth and shelter there.

    As for Cincinnati chili, really? I always thought Texas was the place to go.

  4. frida says:

    Cincinnati Chili is awesome and the spices are totally different from any other kind. You serve it with spaghetti and onions and cheese and oyster crackers. I don’t have the patience to make it but luckily I have a friend from Cincinnati!