October 27th, 2010

When you have been very sad for a very long time, you notice immediately any scrap of blue sky, any break in bad weather. I realized yesterday that I hadn’t cried one time all day, and this morning I found myself singing along with Roseanne Cash to “Seven Year Ache” on the way to work. Loudly. Badly. Joyously. Although I was sweetly surprised, I immediately felt guilty, as if I were being unfaithful to my grief. I have this poem by e.e. cummings pasted in my journal, and I’m trying to believe that I can incorporate the person I’ve lost into my being and carry everything he gave me wherever I go. That it will be a happy, celebratory thing to do. My head knows it’s true, but my heart lags behind. I just have to trust that in time it will catch up.

3 Responses to “Becalmed”

  1. gloria says:

    Hi, I’m happy for you and sorry about what may have caused you to feel grief. I feel grief every day when I think of my son who is no longer here, but I also know that he would say, “life is too short mom, live your life.” I’m under the weather right now with a darn cold, but as soon as I’m better I’m going to make some Mexican sweet bread or as it’s called pan dulce. Dia de los Muertos is coming up and I need to bake. Keep up your spirits. Take care. Oh and keep singing, it’s good for you.

  2. Glad you are finding a patch of blue sky and a little bit of happiness.

  3. nikki says:

    Gloria, pan dulce sounds so delicious and healing! Love singing along with the Hare Krishna chant I downloaded from You Tube…it’s mesmerizing.

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