The Bitch Slap

December 4th, 2013

 dec 13 bitch

I’m struggling mentally and physically to re-establish a yoga practice, and if you read my blog on a regular basis, you know that backsliding is my best pose. Not just in yoga but in everything. I’ll start something that is really, really good for me, and I’ll build up a head of steam and do it full out, and then I’ll miss a few days and  start making excuses about why I just don’t have time for writing/yoga/gym/biking. Then I’ll mope around about what a big failure I am and how my body is going to wrack and ruin and I don’t want to go anywhere because I look like shit. Late at night, I’ll segue into how I could have accomplished so much more in my life in the past if  only I’d been more self-disciplined and focused instead of hamstringing my own ambition. After a good session with the  Nikki Sucks punching bag, I’ll put on my clothes and drive to Publix for a late-night pint of Cherry Garcia because, what the hell, it’s all so hopeless anyway. I deserve that fucking ice-cream! And so it goes — a cycle of good intentions, right actions, backsliding, bucking up and then buckling under. Tonight, when I found myself in the middle of yoga class trying to figure out when I could take the next class, I knew I needed to bitch-slap myself into the Tao of the Now.  To focus on this class, this pain, this sweat, this pose that is beyond my ability, this present imperfect broken me. And I will have to do it over and over and over again, because there is no getting it right. There is only getting on down this potholed, beautiful, dangerous highway we’re traveling together in the best way we can. Hooray for us. As my yoga teacher says, “Cosmic high five!”

2 Responses to “The Bitch Slap”

  1. Amey Warder says:

    Yipee! Two new post. Laughed hard and related completely!

  2. BOYHOWDY! You can say that again!

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