button jar

Because Fear and Embarrassment are my constant companions in painting class, I’m trying something new to trick them into looking the other way when I pick up a brush or pen. I bought a stack of cheap little canvases at a craft store and I’m slapping on oil paint fast and furious before my censor catches up.  I dash them off on the kitchen table before I remember I’m not a real artist.  I have no expectation of the results being good or something I’d keep. I don’t care if they go in the trash as soon as I’m done. Same thing for my sketchbook. Fast, sloppy drawing and colorful markers meant for kids. And I don’t heed all the advice not to tear a page out of your writing/drawing notebook. Screw that. I love ripping out the BIG mistakes and the mishaps because I don’t want my insecurity to take me back to those over and over again to obsess about what I didn’t do right.  I want to jump over the security fence set up around my adult brain to keep it safely inside the lines and recapture the fun I had doing this long before I realized Art was serious and only meant for geniuses, grown-ups and professionals.

2 Responses to “Teaching My Brain Not to Heel”

  1. Ellen S says:

    Nikki, Thanks for sharing. I’m reading about robots and when/if they become “self-aware.” Would they ever be able to share? Can some of us even share.

  2. Diane says:

    Oh, how I want to do the same! Your approach is SO appealing, Nikki. Maybe if I commit to reading this post of yours everyday, I will just DO IT. I am baffled by my resistance. I hear the words “as soon as . . .” followed by a whole list of things I think are in my way before I can get out the paints and brushes and start.

    (And I know your post is all about dismissing the element of judgment, but I gotta say that I want that picture of the can and brushes! You have an actual style, Nikki. Okay, now go back to pretending I didn’t notice your work.)

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