Speed Racer

September 14th, 2008

My life has been going over the speed limit for a long time…no rest stops or pullovers allowed. I refuel, but I never recharge. My daily map? Driveway to Starbucks to work to Whole Foods to driveway. Sometimes there’s a detour to yoga but not nearly often enough. My car is me on wheels–full of dry cleaning that never gets dropped off, cds out of their sleeves, Goodwill donations piling up in the back, dried up pens on the floor–I’m surrounded by broken-ness and unfinished business every day. I hate to give anything up at work because people might notice I’m not indispensable, but I’ve been letting go lately. And that doesn’t just mean giving up tasks I hate, but also a few that I really like. Because there are other things that I want to do that I love even more–or at least, that I hope I will. For instance, I’ve been writing a short daily email that gets sent out to readers of our magazine, and it meant I got to recommend all my favorite things–music, books, websites–to a wider audience every day. It was so much fun and an ego rush too, but it was not only distracting me from my real work but also starting to substitute for it. Crafting daily short blurbs relieved enough creative pressure to keep me from building up a head of steam to go deeper in my own writing. I love any excuse possible to avoid the hard work of writing, rewriting, editing, deleting, and starting over, but I want to flex those muscles again.  I want to draw more, take more pictures, notice more. That’s why I keep coming back to this blog; it’s my laboratory, my writer’s workshop, my journal of possibilities. Maybe I’ll find out that I’m destined to be a writer of paragraphs, not pages, but there’s also a chance I’ll string those paragraphs into pages someday and pages into chapters. I don’t think it will matter to the world whether I Twitter or tell some stories, but it makes a world of difference to me.

6 Responses to “Speed Racer”

  1. notmassproduced says:

    i know that feeling of careering through life. bring on those chapters, drawings and photographs

  2. Carl says:

    i love your writing and always look forward to your new postings 🙂

    Post it all… through your insight i always find a few pearls of wisdom

  3. Pat says:

    Nikki….You post, we read! You can count on it.
    (You write a book, we buy!) Do take care and have some fun whenever you can. Pat

  4. V-Grrrl says:

    Like you I’m surrounded by broken-ness and unfinished business. A house in the process of being repaired and remodeled. Moving boxes still waiting to be unpacked six months after they arrived at my home. And yes, I even have stuff in my trunk waiting to be unloaded at Goodwill, and a blog that calls me to be an artist whether I *feel* like being one or not.

    Here is the difference between us: I am first and foremost a writer of paragraphs. The creative blurbs that let off steam and distract you from “real work” are the very things that energize and inspire me. When I shrink my life into 140 characters or fold it into a comment box, I feel bigger, wiser, and more in touch with the truth of who I am.

    I always say I do some of my best writing on other people’s sites!

  5. Emily Postal says:

    Ahhh. Love this post. Reminds me that my yoga mat has been in my backseat, unused for weeks. Way past-due for a pit stop at the studio!

  6. danette says:

    that difference between refuel and recharge, is the subtle dagger in my spine.

    Blogs are those wonderful places of possibility, I agree. That is how The Drawing Board got it’s name. I think that reading the blogs of other creative spirits is not unlike looking through their sketchbook. I often find sketchbooks and photos of artists studios are the gems of their bodies of work.

    I agree with Pat. If you write a book, I will buy. Your voice is painfully beautiful and real.