3-D Me

November 26th, 2010

As I embark on a grand, scary trip in the coming year, I get twitches of nerves about what I’m doing and midnight misgivings about the rightness of it, but in the end, I think it’s all about hope. Conventional wisdom says that leaving where you are for another place solves nothing, that you simply take your boredom and dissatisfaction with you wherever you go. My inner wisdom seems to be telling me something very different. That going someplace where I’m anonymous and unmoored might help me find a safe harbor. That going someplace foreign will help me envision brave new worlds for myself. That being a stranger somewhere might result in my becoming “a danger to something in the world,” as the poem by C.Z. Hanzlicek says. ┬áThat going someplace new will blast through the ennui of “whatever” to uncover “I want.” Being a Libra, I rarely make a decision that I don’t second-guess, and even though this feels right, I still have to convince myself periodically not to run away from it. Some people I know are so perfectly at home in their own skins and the whole world, and others of us have to keep trying things on in order to get closer to the right fit. So that’s what I think I’ll be doing when I leave on a crazy, irrational, expensive, implausible, frivolous, 4,068.95-mile journey next year … taking a giant step in the direction of a bigger-than-life-size version of me.

4 Responses to “3-D Me”

  1. claire says:

    brilliant post. sounds like an exciting and scary adventure that can’t come soon enough!

  2. When I chose to be an expat in a country where I didn’t speak the language, I shed all my social standing, labels, and everyone’s expectations. Best thing I ever did. Forced me to question EVERYTHING, identify what really mattered, and get outside of my life and recreate it.

  3. Stephanie says:

    I’d like you to think of your trip as EXPANSIVE instead of expensive. You are already expanding; in trust, in following your own truth, in seeking out new experiences, in fulfilling a dream……From a fellow Libra, treat yourself as your best friend would treat you-I sure as hell bet she is excited and over the moon for you. Peace and light to you.

  4. nikki says:

    thank you–I love the way you reframed that for me!

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