Listening for Wings

October 6th, 2010

Working at home this week has turned my house into a little cloister. I listen to music while I write, no television, very few telephone conversations, housebound except to go out for food or coffee, reading in bed by 8pm, a return to the feeling of childhood when the sheets and blankets seemed to embrace me and my body is not fretting and tense about tomorrow morning. I’m free of the usual quotidian diversions — traffic, office telephone, office conversation, filling the tank, shopping, chatting, puttering, hunting and gathering. With all of that gone, what’s left is a stillness that is sometimes like warm oil on raw spots in my soul, but sometimes leaves room for all the troubling thoughts I usually shove away in a drawer in my brain. I’m so aware of how I fill up the empty spaces in my heart with trivia and trinkets that I don’t know how I’ll return to the world and pick up where I left off. And is it possible to live in the world and not do that? I’m reading The Soul’s Code again and realizing how demythologized my daily life has become. All material, no spiritual. All shopping, no angels. All rationality, no daimons. Just Whole Foods, Glee and and a new purse, 401Ks and the 411 on Housewives. It’s ironic that I love reading mysteries, but I don’t have much mystery to sustain the life of my soul. I want all of that mundane to be mixed up with crazy wild supernatural miracles, blessings, visitations from beyond and the music of the spheres. I want to believe in magic again…is that too much to ask?

2 Responses to “Listening for Wings”

  1. m. heart says:

    Actually no, it’s exactly the right place to start.

  2. julianna says:

    it’s not too much to ask. it’s not too much.

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