Leaving Farmville

March 19th, 2011

Dear Local Hardware Store,

Don’t think you’ll lure me in this year to your newly stocked garden center with the burlesque displays of overblown geraniums and the promise of Edenic juiciness waiting to be coaxed out of heirloom tomato plants. I know your game. I just came in here for a garden hose nozzle because mine is broken again the same as every spring I will not pause at the bags of mushroom compost or rich black manure or reliable old pine straw. Don’t even bother to push the marigolds forward to say hello with those big sunny smiles. This year I’m not going to be whipped into a buying frenzy by cart after cart of plants being loaded into Hummers and Volvos.  I’ve been through it with you so many times. The glib promises that our love will grow and ripen. That the thyme I plant between pavers will spread out like eternity. That raised beds are lush breeding grounds for summer’s dinners. No, no and no. Because I know how this love story ends. The heartbreak of nemotodes. The failure to thrive. The wilt, the black spot, the mildew growing on my Martha Stewart roses like jailhouse tattoos. I’m stopping my ears to your siren song of foolproof upside-down tomato planters, ingenious soaker hoses and Earth Boxes. This summer my yard can go wild, my soil can fail the county extension test, and my vegetables can come from the Farmers’ Market two blocks away. Including the cucumber I’ll use to garnish the Hendricks Gin I’ll be drinking on the porch instead of pruning, pinching back and pulling weeds.

6 Responses to “Leaving Farmville”

  1. Paula s in new mexico says:

    Oh sistah, you are preaching to the chior!

  2. Tammy says:

    Amen and hallelujah!

  3. This is the best line I’ve read in ages: “the mildew growing on my Martha Stewart roses like jailhouse tattoos”

    You’re smokin’.

  4. I found your page on a web search — I forget for what — and I have to say I enjoy your wit and writing. (And yes, you’ve also captured my thoughts about gardening this summer. Not that we’re even into spring here yet, but still… )

  5. Steph says:

    Oh I can’t stop myself from commenting on past posts! … mmmm, Hendricks Gin. We should get one together sometime, cucumber and all, and discuss writing and wild goose chases and maybe even Frida.

  6. nikki says:

    great idea!

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