I’m Celebrating

April 28th, 2008

No, I didn’t get invited to be on Oprah…thank god, because I can’t get in any Oprah-worthy clothes yet. No, I didn’t get a book contract. No, I didn’t wear a happy face all day at work as I promised myself I’d do (tomorrow, I swear!). I’m just celebrating the small victories and gentle blessings of this one and only Monday, April 28, 2008.

1. I meditated for 15 minutes and managed to slow my breathing down enough to offset the accumulated stress from a day at work. I have a biofeedback device that is a soul trainer versus a body trainer. Instead of urging me to go faster, harder, stronger, it simply lullabies me into breathing slower, gentler, healthier.

2. It’s raining as I write this, water filling the streets, dripping off the new leaves of the banana tree outside the kitchen window, providing one of my favorite soundtracks in the big blue universe. My idea of a great vacation is to be in a swank hotel with stacks of books, room service, and rainstorms that prevent me from sightseeing for a week.

3. I lost the Sephora gift card I’d been saving since Christmas and finally found THE perfect item to spend it on, and I didn’t go into a frantic, I’ll-rip-the-roof-off-this-house rampage looking for it. I just offered it up to the universe and forgave myself for losing it. Okay, I’ll admit I dumped out my purse on the floor and kicked the contents around when I couldn’t find the card, but hey, I quickly regained control (although I will miss that tube of mascara I stomped on).

In case I sound disgustingly well-adjusted emotionally and morally and spiritually, I have to add the disclaimer that I had to have a glass of wine before I could find some reasons to celebrate. And the breathing helped, too. I envy people who find their true north, their steady compass setting when they’re young and then seem so…finished. I still struggle to maintain balance. I search for a guru, read between the lines, look for enlightenment, start over every day. Will I ever become a better person? An old soul? A steady rock for others around me? I’m embarrassed to have so many more questions than answers as I get older.

One Response to “I’m Celebrating”

  1. Liz says:

    Well, I found my true north early, and yet, still, I am not finished. I still start over every day, and I still feel regret or uncertainty about taking that bend in the road or the other.

    People say, all the time, you just seem so sure, so together, and I am flabbergasted… falling on my face, grass in my teeth, pebbles in my knees, flabbergasted. And the questions, the endless questions? I think those just keep on coming no matter what the age, if you are living any kind of examined life…

    Beautiful Celebration post!