Greening or Green-Eyed?

August 19th, 2010

I had drinks with my Tuesday friend (on Thursday) and learned that a mutual acquaintance whose talent and phenomenal success I’ve always envied has moved out of town. When you’ve spent a lot of subliminal creative energy being jealous of someone, it leaves a void when you don’t have that straw (wo)man to fight. I had to ask myself what she had represented in my life that was so thorny. Some career trajectory I’d missed, some talent I lacked, some spiritual certainty I’d never have? Envy is embarrassing because it makes you so small, even if no one but you knows about it. Of course I can use this as an opportunity to do soul searching or at least to face what I’ve felt and name it–but oh how mortifying, how human!

2 Responses to “Greening or Green-Eyed?”

  1. At least you envied someone who was talented, spiritual, and successful. How small does that make me, envying the chick with the good hair and the cute ass?

  2. nikki says:

    Hey, I envy the young women with unblemished lives and bodies too!

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