May 5th, 2008

I love the idea of Forever. I have been buying Forever stamps with the same manic frenzy as a trader in Dutch tulips or the collectors of those ill-fated Beanie Babies. I have BOOKS of Forever stamps in my desk, and somehow they have become all bound up in my fears about my own mortality, the volatility of my 401K plan and relationships that had an expiration date. Oh, Forever! Last night I talked to my my high school boyfriend of way too many years ago (yes, I know I vowed to let go, but Forever was on my mind). He has been through two wives and one child, and I have been through one husband, an encyclopedia salesman (may he ever be nameless), too many Loves of My Life to count, three long-term monogamous relationships, 5 children and one magazine (the Real Love of My Life). I know it won’t work when I’m on the phone with him, but I want to go back to the year I was 14 and he was 16 and it was Forever. He does too, but I know when/if we meet, that one dreamy Forever fantasy will be smashed. Because he is looking for my 14-year-old body, and I’m looking for his¬†Platonic shoulder to lean on and neither of us wants to look at the war wounds we’ve incurred in the years between. If only we could realize that those are the only the interesting bits.¬†