“Following Yonder Star”

December 2nd, 2014


I loved Christmas carols as a child, and that has never changed even though I no longer go to church or believe the Nicene Creed or worry about Hell, sure that I’ll end up there with all the people I really don’t like. ¬†Okay, so I put my own spin on carols these days, but they still inspire some kind of childhood numinous awe. I imagine the Three Wise Men following yonder star in search of their better selves, for instance. I’ve had plenty of shooting stars in my life — fleeting love affairs that set my world on fire, rash decisions that seemed so right at the time, red-hot ego-driven ambitions — but I’ve also lost sight of the fixed star of my true self plenty of times. When I’m following shooting stars, it’s difficult to keep my true north, my celestial pole star always in view. I want both in my life — the excitement and ephemeral shooting stars and the fixed light I can depend on to guide me home. For some people, I guess religion is the thing that keeps them on the right path, but for me, meditation is the only thing that has helped me find that yonder star over and over again. I don’t have any trouble reconciling the starry-eyed girl who thought the Christmas story was magical with the starry-eyed grownup who can hold myth and meditation in perfect balance, who hopes to follow yonder star with her third eye, who is always heading home.

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