“And so to bed”

September 9th, 2008

I often think of this line from Samuel Pepys’ diary when I go through the house late at night, ¬†locking the doors, making sure the computer is off, the candles are blown out. I love bed and I hate bed. I love reading in bed and watching tv in bed and working on my laptop in bed–all no-nos as far as the sleep experts are concerned. And yes, sometimes I turn out the lights¬†
and roll from side to side and pound the four pillows I can’t do without and grind my teeth and worry about my carbon footprint and get pissed off about why Jamie Leigh Curtis is doing those stupid commercials for constipation (or is it diarrhea?) and wonder if I should have taken one more Melatonin. I remember sins of omission and commission. I look at the clock. I turn on the light to make sure that wasn’t a brown recluse spider on my foot. But then, I pick up my book and snuggle up to it and love being awake in the middle of the night, even though I know I’ll pay for it tomorrow. When I was a teenager, I lay awake at night, listening to a dj playing Elvis and the Everly Brothers on the little radio on my bedside table, aching with unrelieved sexual and emotional tension for a bigger life. When my kids were little, the only time I had to myself was late at night after they went to sleep. That’s when I got into bed with cup after cup of hot tea, stacks of books and a journal to pour my heart into. Still looking for a bigger life, still yearning for something that seems so very possible in the middle of the big vast freewheeling night. In my bed.

4 Responses to ““And so to bed””

  1. Lindsey Beth says:

    Ahhh. Bed. It’s cloudy and yucky out… sounds so good right now.

  2. marlana says:

    Perhaps you can see your bed as a “living room”? Love your blog and invite you to play: tell about 6 of your unspectacular quirks. Come over to see the rules

  3. Jane says:

    Laughing because you got meme’d (sp?) and loving this post. On days I work, I often stay up very late, trying to eke out every extra moment of time I can. On my days off, I often go to bed very early, lolling about with books and a journal, feeling decadent with hours, chocolate, and really good coffee. It’s those nights I’m often asleep at 10:00, finding it easy to rise with the sun in the morning.

  4. V-Grrrl says:

    This conjures memories of summers in the rural western Virginia mountains where I spent my youth. I slept with my head at the foot of the bed so I could catch the breeze from the window there and watch the moon cross the mountains, the deer move with silver on their backs. Like you, I kept the radio on all night and imagined I woke up every time Bob Seger sang. So. Much. Longing.

    Bed remains a place of comfort and dreaming and longing still…