Valentine’s Day Anonymous

February 14th, 2008
I have to admit that I am powerless over my feelings of irritation and bitterness when it comes to Valentine’s Day. Not that I begrudge couples their coziness, but as a national holiday, it sucks. Yesterday I was in Whole Foods, where one checkout aisle was repurposed as the Love Express Lane. Overhead floated a big red blimp-shaped balloon that said “Lucky in Love.” I fantasized about bursting that bubble with a well-placed arrow, because that lane was so obviously not for the divorced, the dumped, or the woman who had one lone hamburger patty in her cart. And this morning, “The Today Show” was two solid hours of crap about couples. How about a segment on vibrators for those home alone tonight? Not a chance. And they had to air an apology because Jane Fonda said “cunt” when she was talking about The Vagina Monologues on the show. Because Valentine’s Day is all about sanitized Cupidity–diamond rings, red roses, dinner reservations, Mastercard moments. I think The Today Show should apologize for drowning us in cute–it’s way more obscene than cunt.