The Way Through

April 14th, 2012

I’ve spent the last year or so going through a dark tunnel, a kind of emotional birth canal, but as painful and private as it has been, I don’t think I’d have missed this journey. It’s weird to reach my age and realize that you have to keep being reborn over and over again. During this time, I’ve struggled with writing, with finding inspiration and motivation. I had to keep plugging away at the writing I do for my job and meeting deadlines, but at times it was so hard that it was physically painful, as if I were performing brain surgery on myself with a spoon. The joy and the juice simply vanished, and keeping up with my blog, other than sporadic posts, was out of the question. As a result I lost momentum and probably some readers, but looking back, I don’t think I could have done anything differently. I tried to push myself, to force creativity, but evidently I needed that fallow time in order to revision my life. Recently, I had eye surgery that resulted in my seeing colors so much more vibrantly  (I put on a sweater today that I always thought was black and discovered it’s actually navy blue!) and distant objects with stunning clarity, and my inner vision seems to have evolved as well. I have a ways to go and I know there will always be setbacks and dead ends, but I can sense light ahead now where for so long there was only a tentative groping in the dark.

2 Responses to “The Way Through”

  1. Those of us who love your writing/musing/searching are still out here, eager. Thanks for taking us along.

  2. nikki says:

    I’m so happy you hung in there with me!

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