Between Here & There

October 22nd, 2010

I’ve had this vintage leather suitcase for so long I don’t even remember where, when or why I bought it. I’ve moved it from place to place and at one time used it to store old letters. It’s been sitting empty, taking up space in a closet for several years, and in a tornadic frenzy of  crying and throwing things away a couple of weeks ago, I put this on the street for the trash truck or a trash picker to take. In the same haul, I cleaned out my freezer and threw away everything in it. Outdated salmon patties, frost-bitten fruit, over-the-hill veggie burgers and on and on. Stuff no longer edible but that I kept shoving around in order to find an ice tray. Next, I went through my clothes and got rid of everything I no longer wore but crammed in the back of the closet. A wool kilt that hadn’t fit me for 30 years, t00-big jeans–just in case, an expensive, boxy leather jacket that made me feel nunnish. It didn’t escape me that I was simply making an outward statement of what was going on internally. I’ve stuffed old sadnesses and wounds to the back of my psyche year after year, rummaging through them periodically but unable to completely let go. Right now, my freezer is still empty, and more useless possessions have since followed the suitcase to the curb. I’m clearing a space, but I don’t know why or what will come along to fill it. Maybe nothing, maybe a small, tender mercy, maybe something I’ve waited for all my life– I’m not chasing it, just waiting to see what happens.

4 Responses to “Between Here & There”

  1. gloria says:

    I like that suitcase. I bet it had a musky smell. I’ve got a closet full of things I don’t use as well. So hard to let go. Life is good.

  2. Sallie says:

    I am loving the jewelry you gave to Isla and Maisie. I snuck some of it away from them and wear it constantly. I wish I could “throw out” some things. Your blog is fantastic!!!!

  3. nikki says:

    So glad someone is getting use out of the jewelry!!!

  4. I want to own my things and own my life, not have them own me.

    I find cleaning, decluttering, and organizing to be very therapeutic; it truly helps me make peace with myself. I send a load to Goodwill about once a month, and I feel lighter.

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