Stop the World

August 23rd, 2013

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When I started working at home, I thought I would slow down, and I’d start to pay more attention to everyday life. And I do love it…I can focus more on what I’m writing, I have time to do thoughtful reading and researching, and the quiet lends itself to listening for inspiration. But all too often, the day goes by like a double-time silent movie. When Friday rolls around, I look back at the week and find I haven’t meditated (again!), I haven’t taken photos, I haven’t gone outside and stared at the moon, I haven’t reflected on much of anything. Oh maybe, I’ve hastily read an inspiring quote or bumped up against a Rumi poem, but I haven’t been stopped in my tracks. The only exception these past weeks has been the  daily cloud show going on. When I drive over the bridge crossing the harbor, I’m transfixed by the huge rolling cloud formations and wish I were a passenger so I could snap photo after photo. I’ve done U-turns on the way to the grocery and tried to chase a particularly spectacular armada of clouds just passing through, but by the time I can pull over, Elvis has left the building. So I haven’t really found inner peace since I changed my lifestyle. I haven’t had an epiphany or a revelation. I haven’t picked up a paint brush or found the first paragraph of the book I’ve been wanting to write all my life. But I’ve braked for clouds.

4 Responses to “Stop the World”

  1. Diane says:

    Yay! Breaking for clouds?! How can that not represent serious paying attention and a change for the better in lifestyle?! I’m thinking that most of us waste too much time regretting the lack of dramatic, overnight change and too little noting the small but impressive alterations . . . like making u-turns for clouds. Congrats!

  2. donna mccaskill says:

    I had a friend that took a sabbatical and created a healthy to do list for this time. On the top of the list: “call old friends.” When she got back to work I asked her how it went. She said she realized the reason she didn’t call those old friends was because she didn’t want to, not a lack of time. And that was the case with a lot of the things on her list.

    I know what she means. For me the question is how do I truly enjoy the journey and stop feeling compelled by things I “should” do? How do I fully embrace my wabi-sabi self? How do I honor that thing inside of me that keeps pushing me to do more, be more, to try new things, to have new experiences? How do I let go of the downside of that personality trait, which is disappointment that I am the master or devotee of pitifully few disciplines?

    Maybe that pull never goes away. Maybe that edge of discontent in my soul is what pushes me to do a lot of interesting things. Maybe that edge of discontent is what make me be me.

  3. nikki says:

    I agree, Donna. I keep trying to completely retool my life and it’s pretty unrealistic.

  4. Tori says:

    “I keep trying to completely retool my life and it’s pretty unrealistic.”
    Not to mention tiring.

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