The sturdy lantana bushes in my yard are lush and flowering, overflowing the fences and elbowing the camellia bush and the struggling azaleas. I think of them as peasant plants, rooting down wherever they can find a space and then just getting on with the work of growing. Right now their blooms are home to dozens of butterflies on their way to somewhere, just here for a layover and refueling. I want to fly away too, but I’m scared of it at the same time. I chafe at the familiar, the predictable routine, the haven of my home, the known boundaries of a city I’ve lived in for 27 (!) years, but I also hesitate to strike out, to make my own journeys. I don’t know why I feel the need to push against the comfort of my life. I’m not a brave person, but my favorite childhood character was shy and retiring Mole in Wind in the Willows, who ran away from home one spring day, and I return again and again to Kerouac’s On the Road. But as much as I’d like to be an intrepid journalist covering a war zone or a free spirit wandering the globe with just a backpack and a passport, that is just not me. And still, I long to go, to see, to dare myself, to just once feel at home in the wider world. Lately, a Walt Whitman line shimmers in the back of mind like a neon sign: “Now Voyager, sail thou forth, to seek and find.” Will I?
Do a house swap in a place you’d like to explore, but not as a tourist. Check http://www.airbnb.com for rooms to rent and sublet a place for a month or more.
It’s an inexpensive way to dip into another life and another place in an authentic way, and it doesn’t require completely uprooting yourself. Doing that for a month or two might be enough. If it’s not enough, well then, maybe you really ARE ready to go on a bigger adventure. I guess my point is, don’t think in terms of all or nothing. Explore the inbetween options.
good advice and I’ve sort of committed to do that in NYC…but it’s scary.
Nikki, I indulge in House Hunters International and dream of living in the place being featured in that day’s show. I should be very happy in my spot, but I, too, want to fly away.
As a small child, I tried running away once, packing my doll-clothes suitcase with a few things and a can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup. I made it to the corner, only to sit down on the curb, dispirited because I’d failed to pack a can-opener.
Perhaps I’m still like that. Wanting to run away but not really understanding what I’ll need to take with me to gain success?
OH that’s great…I still feel like I’m sitting on the curb!