Hope Full

January 23rd, 2013

A friend left these bulbs in a beautiful little pot on my porch at Christmas. I have a hard time keeping any kind of plant alive, and for the first week or so, I simply ignored them. Finally, the bulbs impinged on my consciousness like a puppy left on my doorstep. What would I feed them? How would I keep them alive? What the hell should I do? The bulbs were a great weight on my mind, an adult responsibility I felt inadequate to meet. Finally, I scooped some loose potting soil I’d dumped in my yard into the pot, jammed the bulbs into it and put it in a windowsill. Given the most inadequate rough care, it seemed the bulbs were doomed never to bloom. ¬†Eventually, stubby green stems emerged, but they seemed stunted and crouched down, curling in on themselves as if they had low leaf-esteem. Still, I began adding a bit more soil, watering the bulbs every morning and rotating the pot to catch the light before I left for work. Gradually the stems straightened, reached upward and grew like a magic beanstalk. As I watched this little grow-show every day, I realized that I often starve hope in myself so that I won’t be disappointed. I don’t reach for things I might want because what if I lose them somewhere down the road? What if unblooming is easier and safer than bursting through that tough outer skin into sharp green longing? Hope always involves a cosmic risk, a 50/50 flirt with the universe, but even if we only spread our wings for one brief spring-like moment, isn’t it worth it?

4 Responses to “Hope Full”

  1. Sylvia says:

    Just what I needed to hear. Thanks for the reminder to push through.

  2. Starving hope. What a perfect way to describe that habit.

  3. Mary McDaniel says:

    I always love your phrasing? “hope always involves a cosmic risk, a 50/50 flirt with the universe” is genius. I only wish you wrote more often. I always have a little trill of happiness when I see you have a new post.

  4. nikki says:

    Thank you so much…I will try to write more often!!! Great encouragement.

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