Free to Be

July 4th, 2012

On Independence Day, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it takes to feel free. I’ve actually been asking myself that for awhile, and I usually come up with answers like more money or unlimited travel or the security of a relationship. But deep down I know that I could have a million dollars and I would still be in the prison of my Self. The one that is afraid to travel alone, the one that grew up calculating the cost of every action before taking it, the one that chokes when it comes right down to commitment. Yoga class is maybe the closest I come to feeling free because if all goes well, I’m not being dragged back into the past or forward into the future. I’m just Right Here, praying I won’t topple over in Tree pose or giving myself a zen-ish high five when I can slide into Upward Dog without falling on my face. And the more yoga I do, the more my mind wanders to what-ifs because it’s freed from what-was. The idea that I could practice some personal freedom has me a little bit drunk tonight. I could say the hell with saving and rent an apartment in New York for a glorious month. I could move to a university town and go back to school. I could get rid of material things I think I can’t live without. I could live for the moment instead of my 401k. Holding the keys to my own cell means I could stage a jail break and light out for parts unknown. I want to hold onto that star spangled thought.

One Response to “Free to Be”

  1. Tori Walters says:

    You make freedom sound so good. I think I may be in the cell next door 😉

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