My Soul Seeks…

October 29th, 2013

elsewhere web

“We are homesick most for the places we have never known.” Carson McCullers

I constantly feel the urge to travel even though I find it a giant pain in the ass to plan, to pack, to enplane. But despite my reluctance and my fear of travel, I hunger for it. Today, when I was researching quotes for another project, I found this one and it was like falling in love at first sight. That feeling that someone has seen into you and and Click, you fit. Homesickness — when that happens to me it’s never for the actual home I left behind but for the one that never existed, the one that can’t be found with a GPS, the one that my soul leans toward, the one I long for wherever I am. One of my earliest memories is standing in my nightgown at the fence line of my grandparents’ farm at dusk, looking toward the line of trees in the distance and feeling sure that just beyond it was place I was meant to be. The place where I’d no longer feel like a misfit, the missing link in my DNA. As an adult, that lonely homesickness still overtakes me from time to time. And no, it’s not a hollow feeling that can be filled with Jesus, drugs, politics, career or cashmere sweaters. It’s the yearning for someplace with no name — maybe the stardust we came from or the wide open spaces between galaxies where anything is possible or just the lonely hill in the poem that inspired McCullers’ famous first novel. But we’re all homeward bound from the day we emerge from the womb, and in the meantime, this planetary home still has places to explore, to embrace, to extol in poems and love songs. Our mother, our orbit, our beautiful bed.

5 Responses to “My Soul Seeks…”

  1. Rossi says:

    As usual, this is such a beautiful, honest, true-to-life piece. It’s a yearning I’ve felt countless times throughout my life, that search for a place where you can just be and belong. I can only hope that one day we’ll find it.

  2. nikki says:

    Me too, Rossi!

  3. Laura Atkins says:

    This is the feeling I share with you. An ache within that is so hard to ease. A longing when I fly across the country and see the lights of homes below me…cities, towns, lone homesteads tucked away in a canyon. So hard to fill. This is one of your blogs that resonates the strongest with me.

  4. nikki says:

    Thanks,Laura. Love the part about flying over the country. I always feel like that, too.

  5. Clare says:

    I have been reading you for a while. You write so beautifully and so honestly…always enlightening and inspiring. Many thanks for sharing it with us.

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