Best Friends for Now?

March 17th, 2011

Oh god, I was so sad tonight for so many reasons:  work disillusionment, personal disappointments, early-morning optimism beaten down by reality. Some of my friends live too far away to see in person. Others were busy with their own preoccupations or occupations. Some had let me down; some I can’t reveal myself to–my fault, not theirs. So I worked late and went across the street to a neighborhood restaurant, took my favorite seat in the far corner of the bar, tucked invisibly against the wall, and worked on magazine pages and journal notes. The bartenders there are tender and protective of my privacy, so I felt at home and anonymous and relaxed and not needing to cry as much as I thought I did. While I wrote, I eavesdropped on the two young girls next to me at the bar chattering and laughing and wondered what their stories were when one of them turned and asked me about the mala beads on my wrist. She and her friend were probably 30 or more years younger than I am and yet so open and funny and authentic. A casual conversation that deepened until we had revealed several intimate things about our lives. And  as introverted and shy as I am, I felt drawn out and less alone. Our paths may never cross again, although I hope they do, but in a couple of hours, we clicked and crossed boundaries of age, orientation and upbringing to make a connection. It reminded me that I am always looking for BFF-forever friendship, undying loyalty, when actually my life can be nudged forward and lifted up by momentary kindness, the sharing of secrets and opening my heart without expecting anything in return. And sometimes that’s all you need to get you into the next day.

2 Responses to “Best Friends for Now?”

  1. Jen R. says:

    This honestly just lightened my as-of-late heavy heart.

  2. nikki says:

    I think you must be a nightowl like me! I’m striving to be a lark without much success.

Leave a Reply