Anchors Away

January 2nd, 2010

The beginning of the year is an artificial construct that tends to make us question what we’ve been doing with our lives and/or flagellate ourselves about what we’ve left undone. I haven’t made a list of resolutions, but I’ve spent some time thinking about why I’m not living as bold a life as I’d wish. I could promise myself to go on a cruise, take belly dancing lessons or date a younger man in order to shake up my life, but I think that would be skin deep. I’m more interested in the barnacle-encrusted anchors that I’ve pulled against for decades: I’m too shy to [fill in the blank]; I’m just not talented enough; I’m no good at relationships so I’m not going to try; I could never [fill in the blank]. I want to remember that my family is a strong anchor, that my job is a welcome anchor, that my house is a safe anchorage, but I also want to try and haul those other anchors up and let the wind fill my sails now and then. I don’t think it can happen overnight, and maybe I will always be too shy to [fill in the blank], but I do think it’s possible to lessen the drag enough to find an unexplored harbor or an unexpected sea lane of desire. I’m a big believer in kaizen, but believing and doing are two different things. Sometimes it feels like I would need to check into a monastery of the mind in order to have time to rehab my soul. It’s always: I’ll meditate/cogitate/contemplate as soon as I meet this deadline, drop off my dry cleaning, clean out the refrigerator. I’ll meditate tomorrow, I swear. Am I the only spiritual dilettante out there?

6 Responses to “Anchors Away”

  1. V-Grrrl @ Compost Studios says:

    I'm being bold and not shy in expressing to my husband that I am NOT going on a cruise with the family. I am going to take a trip by myself rather than be held hostage on a boat with a bunch of strangers and cheesy entertainers crowding every moment and thought as well as head waiters and sub waiters and cabin boys and maids and all the other staff demanding daily tips that total more than the cost of a hotel room in Manhattan.

  2. Paula says:

    No, you aren't the only one. You'll have to get in line behind me…..I'm sure I beat you to it.

    I just recently found your blog, so this will be a interesting stop throughout my new year.

  3. ida says:

    As Norwood Smoak would say, "You need to get on the bus."

    I'll give you bus fare on Thursday.
    xo

  4. anna maria says:

    No you're not.
    For the past month I have put myself on a meditation routine, but even so, I find that as soon as I say I am going to sit in that chair now and do it, I immediately think "but first, some coffee, and maybe I should shower first, then meditate, or maybe I should shower, walk the dog, then meditate" and so on. BUT, even so, I have actually been able to do it every day, at least once, for this last month. Not twice a day as I would like to, but at least once.

  5. Allegra Smith says:

    Ha! if only.My dear, resolutions are little bags of guilt wrap in pretty color tissue, that is what I think. Actions on the other hand…
    Each one of us move at our own pace in our Go board. Oh, I want to do so many things, read so many books, I have so many components inside the drawers in my atelier that I would need to live four or five life times as long as this one to make a dent.

    My spirituality is my refuge. I think in silence most of the time, meditating takes many forms, and somehow to let my mind go wherever it wants is fine for me. Some times I am convinced that just getting things done and feeling that twinge of accomplishment is as, if not more valuable to my peace of mind than one hour trying to open the door to the path to Nirvana.

  6. Anonymous says:

    oh honey, i love you so much. and for what it's worth, i think cruises are way overrated. happy new year! c

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